Thinking
by TheLittlestRaindrop
Summary: Erwin has been thinking about your relationship lately. He decides to share his thoughts with you.


'I've been thinking…'

Those are three words that no woman ever wants to hear from her lover, especially after their relationship has changed so much in recent memory.

You and Erwin have been lovers for going on two years now, and you can safely say they've been the best two years of your life. Well, the relationship part has been, at least. You've lost a lot of friends over those years, good friends who you would give anything to see once more. Erwin has been the one constant, the one glorious reprieve from all the violence. You've cherished every moment spent together, and would even go so far as to say you've even fantasised about growing old together.

Then Erwin lost his arm.

It had happened so quickly. One moment, Erwin was barking out orders, trying to coordinate the attempt to rescue Eren. The next, he was being carried off in a Titan's jaws, still urging you and your fellow scouts forwards. You desperately wanted to help him, to save him, but one look at your enemy reminded you that you're a soldier, and your commander gave you an order. So, you'd let him get carried off, trying not to weep as you drew ever closer to the Titans.

Then, by some miracle, Erwin had returned to the battle, albeit missing an arm. He'd literally recovered Eren single-handedly, once again proving to everyone why he is the man in charge.

The adrenaline running through his veins had only gotten him so far though. As soon as you'd made it back to the safety of the walls, Erwin had collapsed, and immediately been taken to hospital.

You've been by his side every day since then, only leaving him to get food or to sleep. You've even fallen next to his bed on more than one occasion, something that has raised a fair few eyebrows. Even Levi had been surprised, and he knows that you and Erwin are lovers.

Erwin however seems to resent your presence. He's barely spoken two words to you, and most of them have been spoken in company, and as your superior. You can't tell if he's ashamed of his loss of limb, or if he resents you for not aiding him. Either way, you've been suspecting that he may no longer desire to be with you.

A thought his words seem to confirm.

Unable to cope with even the thought of such words leaving his mouth, you raise your hand to silence him. 'Please don't. Just… just spare me the pain of being rejected by you. If you want me to go, I'll go. Just don't let the words leave your mouth. I don't think I could handle them.' A lone tear falls from your eye, yet you make no move to suppress it. If this is the end, you don't want to hide your feelings for him. You want him to know that everything you feel for him is real, and that your relationship means the world to you.

Erwin lets out a heavy sigh. 'That is not what I have been thinking. I can't bare the thought of losing you, not after… I could have died out there. Almost did. It's just made me realise how much you mean to me, and it's made me think about what I'll be leaving behind when the Titans finally get me.' As relieved as you are that he's not leaving you, his words are still heartbreaking.

You walk over to him slowly, before perching yourself on his bed. Grabbing his only remaining hand, you interlace his fingers with yours, treasuring the warmth that it holds.

You smile gently at him. 'You shouldn't think like that. You're not going anywhere soon; I think you've just proved that. Besides which, your legacy will be immense. You've touched the hearts of so many people, and your leadership and scouting formation have saved countless lives. You're a good man, Erwin. People will remember you for that, because I will never let them forget it.' You squeeze his hand, and he leans forward to kiss your forehead, his stubble scratching you slightly.

Kiss planted, he pulls back to look you in the eyes. 'You've forgotten something important.'

You tilt your head in confusion. 'I have?'

Erwin nods, a smile playing on his lips. 'Yes. My love for you. It is the one thing that drives me, that constantly motivates me to push through. Even these last few weeks, when I have been so engrossed in my own thoughts that I've barely spoken a word to you, my heart has wanted only one thing; to hold you once again. That's when I realised that there's something I want to leave behind, something that will prove beyond all doubt that I loved you above all else.'

Erwin disentangles your hands so he can rest his palm on your cheek, his fingers brushing against a few loose strands of hair.

He takes in a deep breath. 'I want to create a child with you.' You gasp; that's the last thing you'd ever expected Erwin to say.

Erwin gives you moment to recover from the shock before he continues. 'Think about it for a moment. How wonderful would it be, adding something good to the world? One more pure soul, one that we could love and protect. Something to fight for. A reason to keep going, and something that will live on long past us. It's all I've been thinking about for weeks now. I want to see your belly swell up gently, want to fuss over your every movement. I want to be there when the two of us become three, a real family. Obviously I wouldn't allow you to go out and fight while you were carrying; this task is so much more important than killing Titans. Also, if you don't want this, for whatever reason, I'll respect your decision. It's a lot to ask of you, after all. I only ask that you give it some thought, take all the ti-' you cut him off with a kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hand travels from your cheek to your hair, tangling itself in it.

After a few moments, you pull back, tears now flowing in greater numbers. 'Of course I want to make a baby with you. We can try right here and now if you want. I'm sure no one will disturb us if we're quick…' your hands reach for his bedshirt, and he chuckles, collecting our two hands into his one and bringing them up to his face.

Erwin starts kissing your hands. 'Easy there, my love. I don't want our child to be created in a hospital bed. I want to take you to bed, shower you with love, do this whole thing properly. I know it'll probably take more than one attempt, but I'll keep making love to you like that until it succeed. You know how determined I can be when it comes to getting what I want…' he flashes you a grin, and a blush spreads over your cheeks. Oh yes, you know just how tenacious your lover can be…

The thought brings back a memory. 'Do you remember how you first managed to seduce me?' Given how long ago it was, you doubt he's bother to remember.

Erwin's grin widens. 'How could I ever forget? I didn't think you'd ever give in to my advances. If we hadn't ended up getting stuck in that supply closet, I don't think you ever would have succumbed to my charms. Thankfully, fate decided to intervene on my behalf. I'll never forget the face that Levi pulled when he let us out. All those cleaning supplies that leaked out when things got… heated.' He gives you playful wink, and you cringe at the memory. You're certain that, if anyone other than Erwin had been getting frisky in that small room, he would have killed the occupants for daring to defile his sacred space. To this day, you've still never found out exactly how you ended up locked in there…

You raise your eyebrows at Erwin suggestively. 'Maybe we should try for a baby in there, then? It seems appropriate, bringing our relationship full circle.' A part of you really just wants to help Erwin recapture his carefree side; he's been looking so worried lately.

Erwin shakes his head. 'Not a chance. I meant what I said; I plan on taking you throughly, showering you with love. That isn't to say I won't drag you into the nearest abandoned space once my mission is complete. It would be a fantastic way to celebrate, after all.' You like the way this man thinks!

You both exchange a soft smile, before there's a knock on the door. You quickly separate yourself from Erwin, hoping that the blush has faded. Once you're a reasonable distance, Erwin invites his guest in.

His guest is none other than Hange, who gives him a salute. 'Commander, I'd like to talk through an idea I've had with you. Do you feel up to it?'

Erwin looks at you as he answers. 'Right now, I feel up to anything.'


End file.
